So, I came across this article by Nancy Faulkner, PH.D which discusses a New York reporter introducing the idea of children having some assigned ownership of their abuse partly because of a sexually unbridled society. It’s thought-provoking and may represent some people’s opinions. I, do not agree nor does Dr. Faulkner. However, should we change our angle on child abuse? Merely a choice or just sex…
Adult-Child Sex:
Abuse or Misuse?
In a New York Times article, reporter Frank Bruni wrote about assigning child responsibility in adult-child sex. According to Bruni, experts believe that in some adult-child sex incidents “the victim helped foster the abusive relationship and allowed it to continue over time, apparently taking some comfort or pleasure in it” (11/09/97).In a society of sexual freedom, are promiscuous children and teens initiating sex with adults? Should we revise the way we interpret and describe adult-child sex? There are some child advocates and professionals who have replaced the term “sexual abuse” with “sexual misuse.” The rational is that we may be overreacting and further damaging children.
In his article “In an Age of Consent, Defining Abuse by Adults,” Bruni reviews two highly publicized adult-child sex cases. Bruni cites these cases as examples that a child might be responsible for sex with an adult, and as justification for replacing the term “sexual abuse.”
One example by Bruni is the highly publicized case in which a teenage boy, Sam Manzi, was reportedly victimized by an adult who lured him through the Internet. Subsequently, young Manzi abused and murdered a younger neighbor.
Did Sam Manzi take solace in a sexual “relationship” with an adult male as a result of their meeting on the Internet? Bruni suggests that might be the case, since Manzi “smashed the recording device” when the “authorities tried to get the teen-ager to gather evidence against the man.”
Let’s assume that Manzi was seeking “comfort.” Is that what he ultimately received? Did Manzi’s behavior suggest he had been the contented recipient of “comfort” when he subsequently abused and murdered his younger neighbor ?…
The other case Bruni used as an example in his article was a 13-year-old male student who was reportedly sexually abused by his 35-year-old female teacher. The teacher pleaded guilty to sexual abuse; but the young student defended her in court when he said he initiated the adult-child sex.
Is the teacher blameless because her student assumed responsibility for feelings he had for his teacher? And aren’t there notable differences between a 13-year-old and a 35-year-old? If the young student was infatuated with his teacher (which happens), wasn’t it the responsibility of the 35-year-old teacher to help guide the young person’s emerging fantasies into more appropriate channels? Aren’t teachers supposed to do that — develop and re-channel youthful exuberance?
Did this student and Sam Manzi “allow it to continue over time,” — and are they thus responsible for what happened — or at least for allowing it to continue? Are these two cases examples of children who promote and “foster” sex with adults? Child predators would quickly align with those who share this perspective.
If we, as mental health and juvenile justice professionals, diminish the term “abuse” and do not hold adults accountable, don’t we send the clear message to children that they are responsible? If we even casually suggest that a child is responsible for adult-child sex because of some “initiated” inappropriate behavior, are we not alleviating adults of the responsibility to be the guardians who guide children toward healthy development?
What about the references in Bruni’s article to children receiving “pleasure” from adult-child sex? In many cases that is in fact true. The world population would not be exploding if pleasure were not a factor in reproduction. In other words, sexual touching generally feels good.
Ironically, that same innate reaction of “pleasure” is also the cruel source of guilt for victims, — and for adult survivors trying to overcome the aftermath of their victimization. “Pleasure guilt” is best summarized in the self-condemning statement made by sexual abuse survivors — “It felt good, so I must be bad.”
Abuse survivors tell us that one of the problems that lingers into adulthood and that keeps the secret intact for years, is the child’s feeling that they were somehow to blame, and as a result, they are “dirty” or “soiled.” Sex offenders are smart. They know about “pleasure guilt” and may even emphasize it to keep the sordid secret, — “If you tell anyone about this, they’ll think you’re bad.”
You can read the rest here: http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/misuse.htm
Children are absolutely never to blame. Adults have the responsibility to protect their children, and the children of the community to the best of their ability. We are responsible for their well-being and healing as well.